Day 42 of 60 Day Challenge (weight update): Why is this so damn hard and why do I want to give up?

 

This is my Eagle Pose, as you can see I am grabbing my shoulders. I did it this way for years and only a week ago I started being able to catch my hands in the first part. See below!

Total Weight Loss: 23 Pounds as of last Saturday!  

Last week was a real difficult week. Have you ever been to that place where the desire to just surrender seems overwhelming and that bag of gummy bears or chocolate ice cream screams out…..just eat me!

Well that is where I am at! But I made a commitment. I committed to 60 Day Bikram Yoga Challenge and I feel so much better as a result. Not just physically better, but mentally better, so why would I begin to even question my resolve in light of such positive improvements?

You see how my arms are crossed and I caught my thumb.....that is a major accomplishment for me! I am so tight that I have not been able to do this in 4-5 years of practice, but after 30 something days in a row, my shoulders released enough to do it!

I’ll tell you why. We are lazy! Humans seek the path of least resistance and it takes a formidable commitment to overcome that inherent laziness. When I committed to eat better in December I was so miserable that it would have been more difficult to continue eating and resisting exercise than it would be to change.

However almost two months later, my health issues have begun to resolve, my body feels and look a lot better, and I am no longer miserable. So my mind starts telling me to let up just a little, enjoy life. That bag of gummy bears is only 500 calories, it is not going to add 23 pounds, but would I be able to stop at one bag? That is the question? Which is why I am glad to have a binge day once a week!

So with all these emotions running around and a deep feeling of insecurity and doubt, I have to remind myself of the commitments I made to change my life. I can’t give up yet!

Here you can see Kate doing it right and me looking like THE FAT YOGI! My leg won't bend all the way around and I am struggling. The point is that I am at least trying and my body is changing slowly going in the right direction. That is how it starts! You simply can't be afraid to go to yoga. You just have to go and watch your body change. I never once believed I would be able to catch my thumb in this pose, now I believe I can eventually get to where Kate is. Though I never will if I don't go!

 

I made a commitment to do a 60 Day Challenge. In the beginning I was ready to make a 30 day commitment and I increased it to 60 Days on a lark. Surely, I can do it, I thought. During the initial days it seemed like I could quit and start over because I was not very far into the committment, now at day 42, there is no way in hell that I would quit and start over when the goal is within my reach. In fact I have been playing with adding an additional 30 days. 

But what accounts for my doubts? I know that I am going to finish the 60 Day Challenge. But what about getting below 200 pounds and down to 175 pounds or even 155 pounds?

Do I have what it takes to get through this emotional block? Do I really believe I can do it? Why is this so damn hard today?

I don’t always have the answers. Nothing about this life is easy. It is a struggle and I have to believe that I will succeed. It is a must, but that does not mean I am going to breeze through this time of change with ease. It just means I am going to have to be real and accept that self-doubt always creeps in when we are about to achieve something great!

So I Am Standing On The Scale Naked and Bill Says……..

Here is a picture of me doing bow pose two days ago. Below is a picture from three weeks ago. The picture was taken after class and I was tired and did not get as low and flat as I did in class, but am I thinner than three weeks ago?

“Hey your ass is clearing up”

I think, as I drop my hand and rub my butt cheek, that my ass is clearing up and then he adds, “The zits are gone”. Your probably still wondering what I am doing on the scale naked in the living room, but wait, you don’t know the scale is in the living room. Now you do! Yes, I am standing naked in the living room looking at the scale when Bill informs me that my ass acne is disappearing.

One of the benefits of Bikram Yoga is that your body cleanses itself of toxins. It seems my ass has been a zit magnet from all the ingrown hairs for years. Probably related to being on a horses all day long, sweating and rubbing that dirty sweat into my ass even deeper. But hot yoga really does cleanse and detox you from all the evil toxins we consume.

My skin is starting to radiate. Maybe it is the yoga or maybe it is the fact that I am not eating crappy food, or maybe it is both. Just gotta love what Bill point’s out!

I think my belly is smaller, what do you think? The shorts I had on in the above are mediums and don’t go down my thigh as far. I had to give up on the extra large size I had been wearing. But in the above picture you can see more definition under my ribs.

Bill is like that, he is full of all sorts of loving observations. Last week he said, “Will your face is not the size of a globe anymore”. Great, I am no longer The Planetary Yogi. My face is what now? The size of the moon…..anything else you want to tell me Bill? Though to be honest, there are things I can see now when I look down, that 23 pounds ago I could not see. I will leave that your imagination.

I must be fair, Bill loves me more than anything in the world and I am lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life, his observations are real and honest, never hateful. Wish I could say the same, I am a bitter old queen, ask Bill, he will tell you that!

Needless to say today was Day 26 of the 60 Day Challenge! We were taught by another Yoga professional Brandi Lyn Wynfield  (link to video) from Salt Lake City. She liked my bow pose, though when I was giving up in awkward pose, she caught me and said, “Will don’t give up”.

‘Give Up’? I thought, I would love to give up, but my life depends on me being here, so there is no room to give up. That was a BREAK! You know, the little break you sneak in when no one is watching. OK, so I was giving up, in that pose, in that moment. This, hot yoga, is not easy, in fact, it is F-word hard. Especially after I got on the scale naked right before class and looked at the number and saw that it was six pounds heavier than the day before.

To be fair to myself, which I am not. I had drunk 3/4 of a gallon of water, had three eggs, 1 cup of spinach, a slice of bacon and a turkey salad for lunch. I am not sure why I stripped down to my birthday suit and jumped on the scale at 2:00 PM. I weigh myself only in the mornings on Saturday, before I eat any food or drink any water. So clearly, I was looking at a scale that reflected two meals and 3/4 of a gallon of water. The only thing clear though was my ass acne!

Of course I carried that into my yoga practice. The first thing I saw when I looked in the mirror was that globe face had returned. Thanks Bill! There is the Planetary Yogi, he is back! Can you imagine how self-deprecating a whimsical jump on the scale can cause one to become? All I saw, as I stared at myself was fat! No amount of rationalizing seems to help, in those moments. I whipped myself into a frenzy! I simply needed a cupcake and I was ready to tip the F-word wagon over, screw falling off of it. GIVE ME CHOCOLATE MILK!!!!

Do I really think I gained 6 pounds in less than 24 hours? No. I mean, I only had one small bag of pop corn at the movies last night, no butter. It was a little splurge. I have been sneaking in one small bag of movie popcorn a week, for the last month. That has been my only weekly indulgence, besides binge day. There is no way one small bag of butter-less popcorn could put on six pounds in 24 hours. I KNOW THAT!!!!!

But the scale transforms my whole practice for today, even though I know I am just being crazy and that I did not gain six pounds in less than 24 hours. It would not be humanly possible given that I eat only beans, vegetables, and lean protein. But still I see every bump and bulge in class. Today, I noticed that one of my man tits is smaller than the other, well…..what I really noticed was one man tit was larger than the other and that is where the 6 pounds went, it found one of my man tits!

Yes, this is a real yoga experience, by the end of class the fat guy disappeared and I started seeing all the changes I made in class. Today, was the first time in rabbit pose that my head hit the towel. Today, in our first forward bend, my hands went from under my feet to under my heels as I straightened my legs. Today, during standing separate leg head to knee pose, my head actually went to my knees. That guy in the mirror is me, filled with insecurities and weaknesses, but willing to see myself as I am. Sometimes I am really hard on myself, especially when I am standing naked on a scale.

Though the scale did not tell all the story did it!

Click here to see me get into Standing Bow on The Fat Yogi on You Tube. This was after class and I am tired, but you can see that it is a lot of work. I fall right out, but in class that day I rocked it good and hard!

Hey! Those Are My Ribs! When Did They Return?

 

Clearly this is NOT ME! Do you think The Fat Yogi, Will Sawyer, can do this? This is Tommy! He is the guy with the 'Heroin Chic' body. Ladies I think he is single. He certianly is a nice guy!

Today, while I was staring at myself in the mirror in yoga, I noticed that both of my upper ribs were visible as I breathed in and out during the opening breathing exercise. Those ribs sneaking out into public like that really motivated me to keep on eating ‘slow carb’ foods and practicing Bikram Yoga. You see I am really cranking my internal furnace with hot yoga and slow burning foods found in the slow carb diet.

A lot of ‘slow carb’ diets open you up to brown rice, whole wheat, and grains along with lean meats, vegetables and fruits. The Slow Burn ‘Slow Carb’ takes it a step further by only allowing carbohydrates with the lowest glycemic index, like beans and lentils.

Oh Savasana! We rest in between each pose. This particular pose really keeps your neck limber, to me it is a neck stretching rest!

With 32 days of  Slow Burn, ‘slow carb’ foods behind me, I can definitely say choosing carbs that burn slow in the body really rocks the weight loss. I have lost 20 pounds and a new weigh in is coming on Saturday.

I see my body turning into an efficient furnace and it is all about eating foods that take longer to digest than the time they spend in your digestive tract. Sugar in the blood is what grows and creates fat cells. It is that simple, reduce the sugar in the blood stream and your body shrinks.

You see I am grabbing only one leg. For months and months I simply grabbed one leg and a time. In Biram Yoga we do each pose twice. So I alternated legs.

Now, if you were to check the blood glucose (sugar in your blood) two hours after consuming food you would see a spike in the amount of glucose that is there. That is called the glucose load. The way we know how much glucose is going to be in a body is by looking at it’s glycemic index.

The question everyone ask is, where does that information come from? How do I know what the glycemic index of certain foods are? Simple you go to this website: http://www.glycemicindex.com/ click on the database button in the navigation menu on the right.  Then enter the food you are looking for and it will show you the glycemic index and the glycemic load.

Then I grabbed my left leg in the second pose. I now grab and flex my left leg back, then let it down. Then I grab my right leg and get ready for the struggle to keep hold of that leg while grabbing the left.

You will see, once you start entering foods, that foods that you thought were good to eat, really do have impact on glucose levels in your blood. Check out your favorite wheat bread or piece of fruit, you will see glucose loads way higher than kidney beans or black beans. Becoming a bean eater is a challenge but you will quickly see that beans and lentils are just as satisfying as bread and pasta, but they don’t wreak havoc on waist line.

Once you have reached your goal weight you can move from Slow Burn to Slow Carb, but till you get to your goal weight you eat ‘Slow Burn’. The cool thing is that you get to eat and when you eat plenty of protein, fiber, and vegetables at each meal your find that you make it to the next me with ease. You are still eating, just not eating foods that convert to sugar, you are cranking your furnace and exposing your ribs.

Here I am grabing my right leg like I described above. You notioce that I have my knee off the floor. I do this on both legs during the flex to get my back flexible. It makes it easier to grab the leg once I move to both legs.

The Slow Burn Menu Plan can be read when you click-through to the

Slow Burn Food Plan. You may have noticed that I have been posting recipes of what I am eating as I blog about my weight loss. You can also click-through to the listings of dishes I am cooking here. 

The key to living a long life and to start reducing your weight is to change your eating habits and that comes with changing the foods that are your ‘go to foods’.

For whatever reason, I can't yet arch my back and grab both legs. I literally have to work my way there by grabbing one leg and then doing the funky thing above to get to the other leg. It is not pretty but it works and it is miles ahead of where I was months ago!

My ‘go to foods’ were gummy bears, chocolate chip cookies, fast food burgers, sushi, creamy Indian foods, and any excuse to eat anything at a fine dining establishment. I simply loved to eat and was good at it. I thought I would only feel satisfied by food if it contained substance and was hearty.

The substance my body cried out for was refined sugars, refined flour, and refined rice. Foods with high glycemic index that really sent my pancreas into over drive to combat the sugar in my blood. There was a little war in my body that was killing me. I bet there is one in your body killing you!

Here I am starting Bow Pose. I have both legs and I am lined up waiting for the teacher to tell me to arch back!

The problem is that the pancreas works so hard at his job regulating blood sugar, but the rest of the organs are on easy street. The digestive system processes refined foods with ease and pumps its end product into the blood. That entire process comes to a screeching halt when you eat foods with a low glycemic index. In fact beans and lentils barely raise the glucose load after two hours. So your body feels full, you get the fiber and protein you need and you slim down.

This is not a diet, more of a food plan to give you new foods to ‘go to’. You can eat great meals everyday that fill you up and slim you down without counting calories or measuring.

Of course I have a long way to go to get as flexible as Tommy! My knees are off the ground and my head is arched back. This was a tough pose to get to this point, but I now know that I can go from here to the next level if I am kind and if I am brave. There is a certian amount of courage to attempt these poses, you think you hope and you try and BOOM! You make it! If you try!

Plus once a week you get to pig out on whatever you want. There is science to the binge and there is a reward. I reward myself well every week on Saturday right after I weigh in. I am having fun changing my life and I am seeing  cravings disappear. Sugar and processed foods are losing their grip on me. I rarely want them and find it difficult to splurge once a week.

The cravings have also been curbed by yoga, for me Bikram Yoga! You see your body gets really attuned to foods that you eat when you practice yoga. Your will notice that your body rejects yoga when you eat crap! I am not kidding, eat a whopper three hours before Bikram Yoga and compare your practice to one where you ate two eggs with spinach and salsa. My new favorite lunch is Guacamole Deviled Eggs with Sliced Tomatoes. It gives me the protein I need to make it through class and is a flavor explosion!

I am glad you found your way to my blog and I hope to inspire you to go to yoga and to eat better. Feel free to comment or email me questions, as we explore ways to live better and healthier lives together.

This weekend I am going to a Yoga Championship at the Mall of America. I am sure there are great blogs to follow. Tomorrow’s blog is going to feature students from the Bikram Yoga Minneapolis studio that I practice at.

Preparing For Your Yoga Experience: Come As You Are

As is well known in my group of friends, I love Bikram Yoga and I love how the heat really warms your muscles so you can experience deeper stretches into the poses. Bikram Yoga is not the only form of yoga available to practice. There are many different types of studios and many different styles of yoga to practice. So I want to help guide you into the right type of practice for you. It may be following along with the videos that will be posted daily on this blog, it may be going to your first hot yoga class at a Bikram studio, or finding a studio that matches your fitness level. In today’s blog post we’re going to discuss simply preparing for your first experience on an emotional, physical, and practical basis. The practical preparation will include an actual list of what to bring, how to dress, and how to eat before class. No one expects you to do everything perfectly, you will be welcomed as you are with no expectations. So let’s get started on the first steps towards a better yoga experience.

The Emotional Experience: Yoga classes have their share of hot bodied, flexible, beautiful people and if you’re like me, you are walking into your first class fat, winded, and filled with low self-esteem. To be confronted with those hot bodies wearing yoga wear, which is substantially less than you would wear to a gym and more like what you wear to a day at the beach, can be very harsh. Especially since at every studio I have ever practiced at is filled with mirrors that scream, ‘I SEE YOU, YOU FAT PIG.’ The reality is you are seeing yourself as you really are. At almost every studio I have practiced at over the last five years, the instructor tells the students to look at the mirror throughout the class and focus on yourself and to ignore everyone else.

 There is an unwritten rule of privacy in a yoga studio. You may look quickly at others who are more experienced in the poses to make sure you are following the instructions correctly, but eye contact and staring at others is not ever the norm. The person you stare at is yourself and the person everyone else is staring at is themselves. You get to see yourself as you really are and that can have the power to wake you up from the life numbing slumber of your existence.

Yes, you–like me–fell asleep at the wheel of life and your body, like mine is a wreck and there it is in front of you in a mirror staring back at you. Questioning you, asking you what you are going to do about it? Suddenly you realize that no one else is looking at you, they are all looking at themselves having the same experience, or if they are the perfect people, they are looking at themselves, seeing their own flaws that go beyond the physical. Those perfect bodied people are also respecting you and the choice you made to change. 

What you don’t see is that many of these people who appear perfect walked into their first yoga studio completely wrecked emotionally and physically and have gone through the life transformation that yoga can offer. They honor your presence and welcome you to the studio by respecting your privacy as you explore who you really are in the mirror. So as you stand there staring at yourself in the mirror, honor your first step towards health and fitness by looking at the person staring back, really look at that person and allow your emotions to be explored as you work out for the next 90 minutes.

The Physical Experience: Your body, if it is like mine, has not moved like this ever. Or if you are a naturally flexible person, you can do the poses but you don’t have the stamina to hold them for 60 seconds. There are many poses that I can’t do, YET! There will be many poses you can’t do. You will notice that the people around you can really go deep into poses and your body’s physical limitations will make you want to run from the class. For myself, my big old gut gets in the way of many forward bends, my shoulders are locked tighter than Fort Knox, and my hips regardless of how much I shimmy and shake to Shakira’s “My Hips Don’t Lie”, my hips do lie! Seriously!

When I started yoga, I would physically force myself and struggle to get as close to a pose as possible, which would still be worlds away from me, but I fought and pulled myself towards those poses and hurt myself several times. Yoga at first was a physically painful experience;  simply touching my toes I could feel muscles stretch and pull and my breathing would accelerate and my heart rate would beat out of control. I would collapse on my mat feeling exhausted, simply weak and stupid.

It was not until I figured out how to breathe into the poses and move slowly towards the direction of the pose that I began to get it. So to physically prepare for your first yoga class, I want you to do be kind to your body and relax. Follow the instructor and breath slowly into your poses. Don’t hurt yourself by over exerting. Respect where your body takes you to naturally, breathe deeply and on the exhale relax deeper into the pose. Your body will naturally surrender to your movements over time and yoga is a lifelong practice and each class prepares for a deeper physical expression of the pose in the next class. It might only be a slight improvement, but it will be an improvement.

Now with that said, you need to realize that sometimes you are going to have to be brave and go to the next step. Once you are deep as you can go, there are times when you will need to struggle to get to the next level in a pose. Those moments of physical struggle will be a challenge and generally impact the rest of your class. I will demonstrate these struggles in a later post in pictures and videos so that you can learn how to deal with the process of breaking through to a new and deeper pose.

The Practical Preparation: Every yoga studio has published guidelines for successful practice. They post those rules in the lobby of the studio, in the changing rooms, over the water fountain, at the front desk, and on the door into the studio. Take the time to read the rules of the studio you chose. For practical purposes this section of today’s blog post is going to deal with what you need to do to prepare to walk into your first class.

  1. Drink at least 32 ounces of water and complete drinking that water at least one hour prior to class. You are going to sweat in a yoga class whether it is hot yoga or not. You want to be adequately hydrated.
  2. Hit the restroom right before class; tinkle now and you won’t have to tinkle in class.
  3. Yoga–especially hot yoga–can be so sweaty that you are actually loosing mass quantities of electrolytes. Make sure you have enough electrolytes in your body. Eat a banana or two every day, drink coconut water after each class, or mix an electrolyte supplement into your water.
  4. Do not eat three to four hours in advance of class. You stomach will be bending forward and backwards. If your stomach is filled with food you will feel less than pleasant in class.
  5. Keep your last meal before class small, high in protein, and low in gas-producing foods.
  6. Bring a bottle of water to class.
  7. Bring your own mat and two towels. Most studios will rent you a mat and towels. The towels are to cover your mat to soak up the sweat and to shower afterwards, though many people choose to shower at home after class.
  8. Wear comfortable clothing that you can move in. I found that yoga wear is best. Yoga wear hold everything in place and allows you to move and bend without having to rearrange your clothes. Yoga wear also shows you your body as it is, but that can be a good thing.
  9. Arrive at least 15 minutes before class, so that you can change, select your spot, and relax before class. Being winded and rushed is no way to start yoga. You need to be able to leave the outside world behind.

I am emphatic about these rules for myself. It helps me prepare for a better class. When I first started more than four years ago, I got really bad headaches from electrolyte loss and inadequate hydration. I would get muscle spasms from not having enough potassium and I almost quit because I was so miserable. When I finally stopped struggling with the poses and listening to the instructor and my fellow students was when I learned about hydration and proper preparation for class. I want your first yoga class to be positive and I want you to be well prepared!

Why Yoga? Why Now?

Have you ever reached a point in your life where you needed to make a drastic change? 2010 was the year of my discontent on so many levels and as I faced the most challenging year I had to make decisions on a personal and professional level that would forever change my life. That is where I was in September 2010 when I decided to venture back to the yoga studio. I needed to make drastic changes in my life. I was injured, fat, my blood pressure was high, really high! I could not sleep and I could not fit into my clothes.

Two Injuries Take Their Toll On My Body

Needless to say, I had quit all forms of exercise, began smoking again, and used food as my main source of pleasure as my life began to spin out of control. As the stress built so did my appetite and my smoking habit. I was quickly smoking more than a pack a day. I was getting winded simply riding my horse, walking up a hill. I am one of those guys who actually packs on the pounds when I start smoking because I totally lose all interest in exercise, especially cardio or yoga which depend on oxygen and breathing. So my fat out of shape body was just waiting to be injured.

First I injured myself on a canoe trip down a river in the Ozarks in July, 2010. I was paddling hard in a race with our daughter Felicity against my partner Bill and our daughter Hillary. Felicity and I wanted to get to the dock first so we could splash Bill and Hillary as they got to the dock.

Well I paddled so hard, trying to have fun in my ‘pack a day’ body with my family that I felt a muscle slip and pinch in my left shoulder through my neck. The pain was instant and debilitating. I could not stand to get out of the canoe, much less engage in a splash war with my family.

After several days of pain so intense that I could not sleep the pain reduced to a constant rotating numbness from my left shoulder through my left hands and thumb. That did not subside until this month.

Second, on the last day of August as we were moving from Norman, Oklahoma to Minneapolis, Minnesota I injured my right hip as I was carrying a dresser and tripped walking backwards over an Oriental carpet we had rolled up. Somehow I was able to lift my leg over the carpet and catch myself and the dresser on my left leg. We were working so hard and by the end of the day my leg was so sore that I could not walk on it.

The pain only seemed to get worse and when we moved into our new home in Minneapolis just blocks from both Lake Harriet and Lake Calhoun walking was becoming a nightmare. A simple walk around Lake Calhoun was constant pain in my left hip. It appeared to rotate out of the groin and into the the outer hip. In fact the pain was so intense that reflecting on how strong I was when I turned 40 depressed and ran three miles dpressed me that six years later I could only walk a few blocks.

Back to Yoga

In pain, fat, depressed, and out of control. I quit smoking and headed back to the Yoga Studio. I was only goining two or three days a week and was amazed at how stiff my body had become with almost a year off. I could not get into any of the poses. I could only do one pose in the set and my heart rate was beating out of control and I could not breathe correctly.

By the middle of October I had developed bronchitis and was down for almost a month. Of course I ate like pig and by time I went back to the yoga studio I was in worse shape. The bronchitis had done a number on my lungs and I had three asthma attacks during my first three yoga classes after.

I was not deterred by thoses asthma attacks, my doctor perscribed a short term dose of steroids to reduce the inflamation and I began taking my inhaler into class with me. Something about my deteriorating health shook me to my very core. I knew it was time for a serious change in my life. I also new that my body had never felt better than when I did yoga so I made a commitment to really try to eat better and start doing yoga again.

Fat, Injured, and Facing a Two Week Christmas Holiday in Canada

Christmas was approaching and I had completed three yoga classes in a row with astma attacks followed by five classes without asthma attacks. I began cooking healthy foods but was eating way to much of the healthy foods. How was I going to survive two weeks of Christmas parties and do yoga and get control of my body beofre the end of the year?

Well my partner and I developed a plan. We would eat protien bars and shakes for breakfast and snacks. For lunch and dinner, we would eat low carb to no-carb meals. We would indulge in Christmas day and on one party that we knew was going to be a wild food and wine feast.

On top of that I found a Bikram Yoga Studio in Westbank, BC, Canada. The studio was a 45 minute drive from Penticton. I had to drive to Kelowna, BC, Canada the day after  Christmas, due to the other studio being closed.

During the 11 days of actual being in Canada outside of travel days, I completed 9 yoga classes. Five of them were consecutive. I stayed on the make shift travel diet plan.

My reward was granted me this morning when I got on the scale for the first time since December 17 and saw that I had lost 12 pounds in 14 days.

I knew I was thinner when I had to hold my pants up with one hand as I walked through the airport. Thankfully I have pants from all my various sizes through the years. Today I went from 38 inch waist to a 36 inch waist.

To top that off the pain in my shoulder is completely gone, my hip is almost completley healed and I can walk three miles with no pain, and my lungs are getting stronger.

Yoga is healing me not only physically, but emotionally and I am excited to continue my journey.

While I was visitng my daughters t their mother’s home on Christmas Eve she snapped these picutres of me doing Yoga poses in my pajamas as I was explaining to their mother the benefits of yoga.

Here I am in PJ's Doing Standing Bow

Doing full Locust in my PJ's

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